Two Sluts, One Coffin
by Baz The Storyteller
Summary: Panty and Stocking wake up to find themselves buried in a wooden coffin six feet underground. Inside the coffin is a backpack which includes a Smartphone. They call several people, hoping to get help. But they have to hurry, because time is running out for the angels.


TWO SLUTS, ONE COFFIN

Panty opened her eyes. All she could see was darkness. She also felt that the room was smaller than usual. She felt something in her hand. It was a flashlight. She turned it on and got the shock of her life.

She found herself inside what appeared to be a wooden coffin. Panty panicked as she shone the flashlight all round the coffin. Then she noticed that Stocking was just sleeping right beside her. The coffin was big enough for two people. Panty rubbed her sister's shoulder really hard.

"Stockin'... Stockin', wake up!"

Stocking opened her eyes. Then she woke up. After a few seconds, she freaked the fuck out.

"Dude, what the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE! WHAT THE FUCK?"

"Stockin', calm down!" cried Panty.

"DUDE, WE'RE IN A FUCKIN' COFFIN!" cried Stocking. "A FUCKIN' COFFIN!"

Stocking started to panic some more, until Panty smacked her in the face.

"Stocking, calm the fuck down!"

Stocking then started to breathe calmly.

"Beside, I thought you goths like coffins," said Panty.

"Dude, I'm not a vampire," replied Stocking.

Then Panty placed her feet on the ceiling.

"Okay, we're gonna push our way outta here."

Stocking put her feet on the ceiling as well.

"Ready?" asked Panty.

"Ready," answered Stocking.

"Okay, PUSH!"

They both pushed their feet on the ceiling with all of their might. But no avail.

"FUCK!" cried Panty.

"I know, let's do the Kill Bill thing," said Stocking.

For those of you who haven't seen Kill Bill: Vol. 2, there's a scene where the main character gets buried alive, and she punches her way out of the coffin using a martial arts technique.

Panty and Stocking held out their hands, as if they were going to shake someone's hand and placed their fingertips on the ceiling.

"Ready?" asked Stocking.

"Here goes nothing," answered Panty.

Then they punched the ceiling. It didn't work. They tried again, nothing. Then again, nothing. Then 30 more times and still nothing.

"Fuck, that chick is powerful," said Panty.

"Okay, we're gonna have to go Old School," sighed Stocking. "The Damsel in Distress way."

"Okay," sighed Panty.

"HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP!" they both shouted.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP!"

After 20 more "HELLLLLLLPPPP"s, it was no use.

"Fuck," sighed Panty. "Now, did the Deamon Sister cunts put us in here?"

"Wait, you know that guy at the club last night?" asked Stocking.

"Oh yeah, the Harry Styles looking dude who I was going to suck off," answered Panty. "Then he was gonna fuck us both."

"Well, he might have put something in our drinks," said Stocking. "I thought my Gin and Tonic tasted funny."

"I prefer Jizz and Tonic," replied Panty.

Then they noticed a backpack lying beside them. They opened it up and took out the contents; a hip flask, glowsticks, another flashlight and a Smartphone.

Stocking turned it on. It only had 30% battery in it.

"Fuck."

She then dialed Garter's number and put it on loudspeaker.

"Hi, you've reached Garterbelt," said the voice on the other end. "I'm away on vacation, so I'm sorry that I can't solve your problem, now matter how bad it is. Oh well, that's life. Bye."

"Oh that scrotum headed fuck," groaned Panty. "I'm gonna cut his afro with a hedgesaw whilst he's sleeping."

"We gotta call Geek Boy," said Stocking.

"Geek Boy, sweet innocent, little faggoty Geek Boy," swooned Panty in delight. "That little ginger minger will forever do what I say. God bless the little cunt."

Stocking dialed Brief's number and…

"Hi, this is the Rock family," said Brief's voice on the other end. "We're away on vacation, so if you leave a message…."

"GRRRRRRRR! YOU FUCKIN' SUCK A THOUSAND DICKS, GEEK BOY!" barked Panty.

They looked at the battery, 20% left.

"Mother of fuckery," sighed Panty.

"The fuzz," said Stocking as she dialed 911.

"Hello?" said the voice on the other end.

"Hello, police?" asked Stocking.

"Yeah, I'll get you in touch with the Chief now," said the voice on the other end.

Stocking waited for a few seconds and then the Chief's voice was heard.

"Hello, Chief of Police."

"Chief, this is Stocking Anarchy, my sister and I are buried in a coffin."

"You sure you're not taking the piss?" asked the Chief.

"No, we're not," said Stocking. "My sister and I are trapped in a wooden coffin. Someone put us in here."

"Why?" asked the Chief.

"I don't fuckin' know!" cried Stocking.

"Where is your location?" asked the Chief.

"I don't know, but can you trace this call?" asked Stocking.

"Okay, we'll do that now," said the Chief.

Stocking waited a bit and then….

"Okay, we have your location," said the Chief.

"Thank you," said Stocking.

Panty then had an idea.

"Chief this is Panty. If you and your handsome boys in blue get here fast enough, I'll suck off the one who'll get here first."

There was a pause on the Smartphone and then this could be heard:

"What are we waiting for, LET'S GO!"

"GET OUT OF MY WAY!"

"MOVE OUT OF MY ROAD! MY COCK HAS PANTY'S NAME ON IT! LITERALLY, LOOK AT THIS TATTOO!"

"THAT'S AN IMPRESSIVE TATTOO YOU GOT THERE, BOYO."

The phone then hung up and Panty and Stocking were relieved.

Then it rang. Stocking then answered it.

"Having trouble breathing, Anarchies?"

It was Scanty's voice.

"You cunts," said Panty.

"Ah, ah, ah, one more insult and I will detonate the bomb," warned Scanty.

"Bomb?" asked Panty.

"Yes, there is a bomb connected to the outside of the coffin," answered Kneesocks' voice. "One press of the detonator and boom."

"But hey, you shouldn't worry about dying," said Scanty. "You're in a coffin."

The Deamon sisters then cackled their shite laughing.

"You're bluffing," said Stocking.

"Oh sister, the goth and the whore thinks we're bluffing," said Kneesocks.

"Tell me, Anarchy," began Scanty. "Is _this_ bluffing?"

From the phone, the sound of the switch could be heard. Suddenly from outside the coffin there was a slight explosion, the whole coffin shook like crazy. Then it stopped.

"Now, do we call that 'bluffing'?" asked Scanty.

"No," answered Stocking.

"To avoid being blown to pieces, you must do what we tell you," instructed Kneesocks.

"You must not call the police to come rescue you," said Scanty.

"But we already called the fuzz and they're on their way," replied Stocking.

"Oh dear, boom time," said Scanty. "Sister, may you do the honour of pressing the detonator?"

"My pleasure, sister," said Kneesocks.

"What!" cried Stocking. "If we tell the police to go away, will you…?"

"Yes, of course," sneered Scanty. "We may be demons from Hell, but we _are_ sympathetic. Whereas you and your sister are just _pathetic_."

Scanty hung up and Stocking dialed the police.

"Yes?" cried the Chief's voice. "We're nearly there!"

"My mouth is watering like fuck!" cried a policeman's voice. "Panty's mouth will be filled with my juice!"

"There is no kidnapping," lied Stocking.

"What?" asked the Chief.

"There is no kidnapping," lied Stocking. "It was just me and Panty fuckin' with ya."

"So, there is no chance of being fucked by Panty then?" asked the Chief.

"No," said Stocking.

From the Smartphone, massive groans could be heard.

"Alright, boys, let's go home," the Chief told his men.

Many disappointed grumbling could be heard.

Stocking hung up the Smartphone and looked at Panty in despair.

But there was another problem.

"Stockin'," said Panty. "I gotta shit."

"Just hold it," said Stocking. "Somebody will come. Have faith."

"Stockin' the shit is peeking out of my asshole!" cried Panty. "I gotta do it!"

Panty grabbed the backpack and held it underneath her ass. She then took her panties down.

"Panty! No! No!" cried Stocking.

"Too late, the plane is dropping bombs!" grunted Panty.

She then took a massive shit inside the backpack. Stocking groaned in disgust, whereas Panty sighed with relief.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, yeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh….."

Panty had finished and she had now filled up the whole bag with her shit.

But there was something was missing.

"No toilet paper," she said.

Then she looked at Stocking's doll.

Panty then snactched it off Stocking.

"PANTY!" barked Stocking.

Panty then wiped her ass with the doll.

When she had finished, she held up the doll which was completely covered in shit. Then threw at Stocking.

"UGH! DUDE, YOU ARE SUCH A CUNT!" cried the goth.

"Hey, when a girl's gotta shit, a girl's gotta shit," said Panty as she pulled up her panties.

Then the Smartphone rang, Stocking answered it.

"Okay Anarchies, since we are a little bored, why not humour you?" said Scanty's voice at the other end. "We are inside your house now and want the code to Garterbelt's safe."

"We have written the code down in a piece of paper," explained Kneesocks. "But silly us, we put it inside the backpack by mistake. Be a dear and take out the piece of paper for us, pretty please?"

"Kay, hold on," said Stocking as she and Panty searched the coffin for the piece of paper.

All the other items had been taken out of the backpack. All of the them. Unless that piece of paper…..

WAS INSIDE THE SHIT FILLED BACKPACK!

"Oh fuck no!" cried Stocking.

"Time's running out, angels," said Scanty. "You have 30 seconds, or else, kaboom."

As the seconds ticked away, Panty and Stocking argued.

"You do it," said Stocking.

"Fuck you," replied Panty.

"It is _your_ shit," said Stocking.

"Dude, don't be a pussy," replied Panty. "Just close your eyes and just do it."

" _I'm_ being a pussy?" asked Stocking. "Why don't _you_ do it?"

"15 seconds!" barked Scanty's voice on the phone.

Panty then grabbed Stocking's hand and shoved into the backpack full of shit.

"UUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH, FUCK YOU, PANTY!"

"Just find the note!" cried Panty in panic.

Stocking searched and searched, until she found it.

"I found it!" she cried as she pulled out the shit covered piece of paper.

"Okay, the code is...!"

But the phone went dead. The battery had ran out.

Stocking was horrified.

"No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Then she looked at her sister with rage.

"Thanks a lot, Panty!" Stocking barked.

"What are you blaming me for, Motherfucker!" cried Panty. "It's not my fault the Smartphone's battery ran...!"

BOOOOOOMMMMMM!

The coffin shook more violently than before.

Then the ceiling made a creaky noise. It got louder and louder and louder and then….

A small hole burst from the ceiling and dirt began to pour in.

The sisters began to panic, and then realized that there was no escape. They were fucked.

"Never thought I would go this way," said Stocking.

"Ditto," said Panty.

The two of them just sat there and watched the dirt pour in and began to fill the coffin. More and more and more of it.

Then Panty looked at Stocking's stockings.

"Sugar Tits, you're so retarded!" she cried in delight. "Why didn't you turn your stocking into a katana before?"

"Well, _thank_ you for telling me," Stocking said sarcastically. "I don't know if you know this, but….. Oh yeah…. THIS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE!"

Stocking took off her stocking and turned it into a katana. She then began hacking away at the small hole making it bigger and bigger and bigger.

"Yes, you beautiful cum faced whore!" squealed Panty.

The hole was now big enough for the sisters to escape.

"FUCKIN' A!" cried Panty.

Then they began to climb of the big hole and out of the coffin! They climbed the Earth higher and higher and higher and then… they saw light!

They followed the light, they reached it and….

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The studio audience cheered.

Panty and Stocking had arrived at the top of the six piles of dirt that was inside a massive glass case. There was also hidden cameras inside the coffin, and the audience had watched the whole thing on a big screen that was above the stage.

"PANTY AND STOCKING! CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE JUST WON 'CHEATING DEATH'!"

"Cheating Death" was Daten City's most popular game show. The makers of the show kidnap innocent people and put them inside life threatening situations such as waking up in a Alligator pool and having to get out without being eaten alive, waking up in an empty aeroplane that is going to crash and the contestant has to control the place to safety, and worst of all, waking up being tied to a missile heading straight for the sun, the contestant has to untie him or herself or else they will be burned to death!

The contestant's friends and family are usually behind this, and some of them find it funny that their loved ones get killed.

Panty and Stocking climbed out of the tank and were now on the stage. The host of the show, Nolan Duncan ran up to them.

"Panty, Stocking, Garterbelt is in the audience."

Smug Garter waved to Panty and Stocking.

"He wanted to get revenge on you, for making him tear out clumps of his poor afro in stress," said Nolan.

"What about the Deamon sister cunts?" asked Panty.

"They were actually voiced by impressionists," explained Nolan. "Please give it up for Colleen and Cherami!"

The voice actresses came out and waved at the audience.

"And the police were voiced by our other voice talent!" announced Nolan as the rest of the voice cast walked in stage.

"And here's the guy who drugged you," said Nolan as the Harry Styles looking fella walked out and waved at the audience.

Stocking was fuming with rage.

"You put our lives in danger for the sake of people's entertainment?" she asked the self centered host.

"You bet," answered Nolan. "But isn't that what television is? Humiliating people in front of millions of viewers. If you think this show is bad, wait till you see the Japanese version."

"We're gonna fuckin' sue your asses!" cried Panty.

"Maybe this'll change your mind," said Nolan, as two men arrived with massive man sized checks for $2 million.

Panty and Stocking's mouths dropped open.

As they were given the checks, they drooled like crazy.

"Still wanna sue us?" asked Nolan.

"Fuck no, you kiddin'?" said Panty.

"I thought as much," said Nolan hamming it up for the audience. "Well, that's all we have time for, ladies and gentlemen. But as we say here on 'Cheating Death', you may lose some body parts or die a horrible death, but if you survive, you'll have a happy ending. Good night."

The audience applauded as the show ended.

A crewmember brought out the backpack full of Panty's shit.

"Here's your leavings," he said as he handed it over to her.

"Keep it as a souvenir," remarked Panty.

END

Clap, Clap, Clap your hands!


End file.
